Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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