Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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