you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
