Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
