if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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