I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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