i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
