Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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