ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
