If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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