Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
