I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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