Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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