you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize