Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
