A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
