I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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