oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
