I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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