best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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