Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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