Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
