tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize