Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
