I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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