he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
