Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
