We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
