I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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