I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
