I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
