I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize