Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just gargled with NyQuil
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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