I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
