lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
