We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
