I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
