Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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