at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
