i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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