who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
