We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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