make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
