Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
