apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I could make wine with my vomit
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
