i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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