so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
