I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
