you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
