we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
