woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
