did you get engaged???
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
