I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
