I got chris browned last night
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
