I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
