I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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