she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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