if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize