When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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