Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
