i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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