Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
