omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
