Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
