you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
