I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Randomize
