dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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